THE COMEDY OF ERRORS

Act 4 Scene 3

(Enter Antipholus of Syracuse, wearing the chain)
l1l	Antipholus Of Syracuse	 There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me
l2l		As if I were their well-acquainted friend,
l3l		And everyone doth call me by my name.
l4l		Some tender money to me, some invite me,
l5l		Some other give me thanks for kindnesses.
l6l		Some offer me commodities to buy.
l7l		Even now a tailor called me in his shop,
l8l		And showed me silks that he had bought for me,
l9l		And therewithal took measure of my body.
l10l		Sure, these are but imaginary wiles,
l11l		And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
		(Enter Dromio of Syracuse with the money)
l12l	Dromio Of Syracuse	 Master, here’s the gold you sent me
l13l		for. What, have you got redemption from the picture
l14l		of old Adam new apparelled?
l15l	Antipholus Of Syracuse	 What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean?
l16l	Dromio Of Syracuse	 Not that Adam that kept the
l17l		Paradise, but that Adam that keeps the prison—he that
l18l		goes in the calf’s skin, that was killed for the Prodigal#
l19l		he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and
l20l		bid you forsake your liberty.
l21l	Antipholus Of Syracuse	I understand thee not.
l22l	Dromio Of Syracuse	No? Why, ’tis a plain case: he that
l23l		went like a bass viol in a case of leather# the man, sir,
l24l		that when gentlemen are tired gives them a sob and
l25l		’rests them# he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men
l26l		and gives them suits of durance# he that sets up his
l27l		rest to do more exploits with his mace than a Moorish
l28l		pike.
l29l	Antipholus Of Syracuse	What, thou mean’st an officer?
l30l	Dromio Of Syracuse	Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band: he
l31l		that brings any man to answer it that breaks his bond#
l32l		one that thinks a man always going to bed, and says
l33l		“God give you good rest.”
l34l	Antipholus Of Syracuse	Well, sir, there rest in your
l35l		foolery. Is there any ships puts forth tonight? May we
l36l		be gone?
l37l	Dromio Of Syracuse	Why, sir, I brought you word an
l38l		hour since that the barque Expedition put forth tonight,
l39l		and then were you hindered by the sergeant to tarry
l40l		for the hoy Delay. Here are the angels that you sent
l41l		for to deliver you.
l42l	Antipholus Of Syracuse	 The fellow is distraught, and so am I,
l43l		And here we wander in illusions.
l44l		Some blessèd power deliver us from hence.
		(Enter a Courtesan from the Porcupine)
l45l	Courtesan	 Well met, well met, Master Antipholus.
l46l		I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now.
l47l		Is that the chain you promised me today?
l48l	Antipholus Of Syracuse	Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not!
l49l	Dromio Of Syracuse	 Master, is this Mistress Satan?
l50l	Antipholus Of Syracuse	It is the devil.
l51l	Dromio Of Syracuse	Nay, she is worse, she is the devil’s
l52l		dam# and here she comes in the habit of a light wench.
l53l		And thereof comes that the wenches say “God damn
l54l		me”—that’s as much to say, “God make me a light
l55l		wench.” It is written they appear to men like angels of
l56l		light. Light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn. Ergo,
l57l		light wenches will burn. Come not near her.
l58l	Courtesan	 Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir.
l59l		Will you go with me? We’ll mend our dinner here.
l60l	Dromio Of Syracuse	 Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat,
l61l		and bespeak a long spoon.
l62l	Antipholus Of Syracuse	Why, Dromio?
l63l	Dromio Of Syracuse	Marry, he must have a long spoon
l64l		that must eat with the devil.
l65l	Antipholus Of Syracuse	(to Courtesan)
		 Avoid, thou fiend! What tell’st thou me of supping?
l66l		Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress.
l67l		I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.
l68l	Courtesan	Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
l69l		Or for my diamond the chain you promised,
l70l		And I’ll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
l71l	Dromio Of Syracuse	Some devils ask but the parings of one’s nail,
l72l		A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin,
l73l		A nut, a cherry-stone#
l74l		But she, more covetous, would have a chain.
l75l		Master, be wise# an if you give it her,
l76l		The devil will shake her chain, and fright us with it.
l77l	Courtesan	(to Antipholus)
		 I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain.
l78l		I hope you do not mean to cheat me so?
l79l	Antipholus Of Syracuse	Avaunt, thou witch!—Come, Dromio, let us go.
l80l	Dromio Of Syracuse	“Fly pride” says the peacock. Mistress, that you know.
		(Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse)
l81l		and Dromio of Syracuse
	Courtesan	 Now, out of doubt, Antipholus is mad#
l82l		Else would he never so demean himself.
l83l		A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
l84l		And for the same he promised me a chain.
l85l		Both one and other he denies me now.
l86l		The reason that I gather he is mad,
l87l		Besides this present instance of his rage,
l88l		Is a mad tale he told today at dinner
l89l		Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
l90l		Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
l91l		On purpose shut the doors against his way.
l92l		My way is now to hie home to his house,
l93l		And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
l94l		He rushed into my house, and took perforce
l95l		My ring away. This course I fittest choose,
l96l		For forty ducats is too much to lose.
		(Exit)